Tired

So I figured since this was a journey on my road to writing, I thought I would share something with you.
Since I have exactly 4 followers (still) and I have no idea if anyone is reading this blog, I don't have a clue if anyone has even noticed my lack of blogging recently.
In an effort to get past my self pity, I will go on to explain that I have been rejected for the first time.
Scratch that, my writing has been rejected.
Scratch that again, a poem of mine has been rejected.
This has been my fear all along.
My worry.
My "problem".
So here it is. It's happened. Now what?
Well, I think I'm taking it pretty well.
First, I read the letter several times.
Then, I got really angry.
I mean seething....foaming-at-the-mouth-angry.
How DARE you tell me my poem is not GOOD enough for what you're looking for.
(the letter said nothing of that sort, by the way)
Last, I cried.
I cried many tears.
In fact, I wailed.
I even did one of those stunts where I look at myself in the mirror....
all puffy eyed, blotchy red, and weary.....
thinking to myself......what are you doing? Who are you? What are you here for?
This is the worst part.
I stopped writing.
I didn't want to write.
To hell with writing.
That was my bottom.
But see, if you've been reading my poetry lately you'd know.
I'm already at the bottom.
So in all reality.  I didn't move much.
Now what?
Seeing that I don't love being down here, I have to pull myself up.
Somehow.
Someday.
I need to get up!!
What do I need? One word- Four syllables.
Sim-plic-i-ty
That's it!
I want simplicity.
Simple food, simple conversation, simple life.
I don't know if this is possible.
But at this point, I can't even concentrate on my writing- my head is so jumbled with complicated mush!
I'm tired.....my body is tired....my head is tired......my heart is tired.
I'm reading a book right now (too cliche to do a review on)-
and someone in the book asks her "what is your word?"
What the hell?
There is no cotton-pickin-way I could give you ONE word to describe myself right now.
I especially couldn't give you a word that wouldn't sound suicidal at this point.
But after thinking about it.....I would love to......I yearn to......I need to.......have a word for myself!
Let's get back to simple.
This is my goal.....I'll let you know how it goes.